


Diligit Fratrem

by Raging_queer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Movie Night, Nonbinary Character, Oblivious Sam Winchester, Professor Castiel (Supernatural), Queer Themes, Sam Winchester is Scarred For Life, Secret Relationship, Stanford Student Sam Winchester, They/Them Pronouns For Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29387466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raging_queer/pseuds/Raging_queer
Summary: “Don’t worry we don’t plan on emotionally scarring you again, Sammy. But if you ever need to improve your grade, just tell me and I dig out that miniskirt and beg them on my knees.”, Dean smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. Sam laughed. He didn’t need that mental image.“I hate you”“C’mon it’s a win-win situation. You get an A and I get the D.”, he kept joking.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	Diligit Fratrem

It was a rather normal Friday evening for Sam, he had spent all his day studying and attending classes and now was more than ready to go to spend his weekend with his girlfriend. He quickly called Jess to tell her that he’s arriving late because he forgot the book on Greek mythology, that he had to read for one of his classes, on his kitchen table. He didn’t plan to drop by the apartment he shared with his brother Dean but he figured it wouldn’t be a problem since all the man did was hang around in bars or watch Scooby Doo and eat fast food. They had a silent agreement to leave each other some space every other night so Sam could study in peace or invite Jess over and Dean could bring over his casual hookups or just have some alone time to watch cheesy TV shows he pretended he didn’t love. “It’s a guilty pleasure!”, he proclaimed the one time Sam caught him watching Doctor Sexy M.D.; of course it was Sam’s responsibility as a younger brother to tease him about it for months.  
As he opened the door, he called his older brother’s name to make himself known. The first thing he noticed when he stepped in was the sound of some action movie on TV, the second was the other person next to Dean on the couch. Another look at his brother made him blush slightly and quickly look away. He was clearly interrupting something: Dean’s hair was messy, his lips swollen and his cheeks red. Growing up together and constantly sharing a place this was far away from the worst thing Sam walked in to. He vividly remembered- and hoped to forget- Dean all over- or under- several women and men and even both at the same time that one time in New York, but they didn’t ever talk about that.  
“Sorry didn’t mean to bother, just-uh- picking up some-“, Sam started but suddenly forgot how to form words when he looked at Dean’s lover and recognized them. His jaw dropped and all he could do was look at them in horror. A strong feeling of shock and confusion overwhelmed him and he barely processed Dean’s next words.  
“Sammy! Aren’t you supposed to bother Jess tonight or something?”, his words sounded off and wouldn’t Sam be so caught up in his own emotions he would’ve heard the slight panic in his voice.  
“I-uh-“, he started but that’s when he noticed them holding hands and Dean’s thumb slowly circling over the other’s hand to comfort them. They were way too comfortable for this to be a casual one night stand even though they sat in an acceptable distance they clearly weren’t strangers. “What’s going on here?”, he blurted out, angrier than he wanted to. He watched the two exchanging questioning looks and having some kind of wordless conversation.  
“What does it look like?”, replied Dean with a grin to hide his discomfort.  
“Looks like my dumbass brother and my Latin professor are making out on our couch”, he said in a pointed tone still in disbelief. Dean just cleared his throat and reached for his glass of whiskey on the small table to empty it in one go. “Excellent observation, Sammy”, he murmured, avoiding eye contact. “Dean…”, said the professor quietly. And Sam felt a strong urge to just disappear.  
“Cas, don’t worry, I can handle him”, his voice was surprisingly soft,” listen, Sammy-“  
“No, you listen to me! First of all, it’s Sam! Secondly, there’s a whole damn city of men and women who are willing to fuck you and you pick my professor?! You don’t know any boundaries! God, I always told you about them when you asked about college! Why do you have to ruin everything just because you can’t keep it in your pants?! You are so gross!”, his voice grew angrier as he spoke.  
“Quit the homophobia”, Dean answered coldly, anger slowly starting to boil inside him and poured himself and Cas another drink. His words were making him explode.  
“No, no, no! Don’t you dare go there! You know this has nothing to do with gender or your sexuality or anything like that! I don’t give a shit about your sex life”  
“And you shouldn’t give a shit! Just mind your own damn business! I’m sorry you saw us even though you didn’t see anything, really. Just be grateful you didn’t get here half an hour later, grab your shit and leave to cry your eyes out about people having private lives to your girlfriend.”  
Sam frowned in disgust but remained silent, tried to breathe and grabbed his book from the kitchen table. The book he had to read for Dr Novak’s damn class. Just the thought of his brother and his professor in bed together made him feel sick. It wasn’t that they weren’t attractive or a shitty person. Quiet the opposite actually, they were very kind and fair, everyone loved their style of teaching because they were very passionate and never boring which was hard to do when talking about a dead language. Sam always spoke highly about them to Dean because he admired them and now, he just felt somehow betrayed.  
As he reached the door to leave the apartment, he turned to look at them again. They were still sitting there, drinking silently together, with their knees touching. Sam let out a dramatic sigh and said: “We will talk about this on Sunday, Jerk”, he forced himself to smile a little and added, “I’m sorry, Dr Novak”. His professor looked at him, head tilted, obviously thinking about an adequate response. “Don’t worry too much”, they spoke confident but as kind and professional as Sam knew them from class.  
“Good night, Bitch”  
++++  
The weekend passed quicker than Sam hoped for. He hung out with Jess at her place, played video games, ate pizza- none of them were good in the kitchen- and spontaneously decided to go out and watch a movie on Saturday night. When Sam dramatically told her about the scarring thing he witnessed on his couch all she did was hysterically laugh at him. “Your brother sure got good taste”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”, he asked with a pout.  
“Just sayin’ they are hot. Can’t blame him for wanting a piece of that academic ass. Like have you seen them when they’re all ‘I’m your professor and you listen to me’?”, she tried to mimic their deep voice, “I’m sure Dean’s into some dominance”  
“God dammit, Jess!”, Sam whined, “I don’t even want to think about that.”  
“I don’t see your problem; they are both consenting adults. They can do as much kinky shit in the bedroom as they want. Also, Dr Novak has that gigantic brain and endless interesting thoughts. It’s a miracle they are still single.”  
“I’m sure Dean isn’t interested in their huge brain”, both erupted into laughter this time and after some more complaining from Sam’s side and a lot of bad jokes from Jess, they changed the subject.  
Truth was Sam felt pretty shitty about getting mad at them. Sure, it was extremely awkward to be in his situation but rationally there was no reason to be pissed. His brother had been taking himself back to care for him his whole life and if he needed to hook up with Sam’s professor to be content, so be it. As he was lying in bed that night he carefully put together an apology for Dean to make things right again.  
+++  
“Oh look who came back home just in time to help me clean”, Dean said, when Sam entered the kitchen the next day. “Hey, how was your weekend?” Sam put his bag on the floor and looked at his brother who was cleaning the surfaces. Many people would assume that Dean was chaotic and wouldn’t care about keeping the apartment clean, but actually he was very tidy and kind of freakishly clean sometimes. Maybe it had something to do with gaining some control and sticking to a routine his father put in his head from a young age.  
“Weekend was”, he smirked, “satisfactory”  
Sam shook his head, trying to remember the kind words he had to say to Dean the night before.  
“About that”, he began and watched Dean raise an eyebrow, “I actually wanted to say sorry”  
“Why?”, Dean interrupted him in disbelief.  
“I might have overreacted a bit”, he started picking on his nails, suddenly uncomfortable.  
“Don’t worry I told Cas you would freak out and let out your inner theatre kid. They know it’s not personal. Just the thought of an entire city willing to fuck me might’ve left them a bit jealous”, he let out a tiny laugh.  
His tone was soft and happy as soon as he mentioned Cas and suddenly a lot of tiny puzzle pieces were put together in Sam’s mind and revealed the full picture. Dean’s willingness to drive Sam to school and pick him up lately, Dean’s wide smile and flushed cheeks when he looked at his phone and his awkward attempts to shut Sam up about it when he asked who he was texting. He was flirting less in restaurants and seemed to be generally in a better mood. Sam remembers hearing some girls in his latin class point out their professor’s brighter mood accompanied with an inappropriate comment about them getting laid. Pictures of Indiana Jones on the TV, Dean’s comfy clothes, touching knees, intertwined fingers, silent conversation, Dean told them how Sam was going to react, jealousy, all crossed his mind at once.  
“This wasn’t a one-time thing.”, Sam stated and Dean looked at him puzzled, struggling to follow his thought process. He reached to scratch his neck as he often did when uncomfortable, before he admitted:  
“Not exactly, Velma”  
“How long has this been going on?”  
“We met 2 months ago at this coffee shop near campus and kinda- I dunno- got along instantly. They’re actually funny and of course the smartest person in the world and their body- damn if I die being crushed between these thighs, I’m gonna go out a happy man. And I didn’t think we’d become that close and I swear I didn’t know they were your professor. Of course, I knew where they worked but we only put two and two together when they came here for the first time and saw our pictures and your school books scattered all over the place, but at this point neither of us wanted to just end it, so we decided not to tell you and ‘figure out the nature of our relationship’ first.”, he did air-quotes a gesture Sam recognized from Dr Novak and he smiled.  
“Did you figure it out?”, Sam asked curious, ignoring the thigh comment.  
“After you left we talked- and you know I hate talking about this stuff- but they are great at communication so we figured out that we both wanted to be significant others or whatever. And I told them you would get over it but they were so worried about mixing up private life and their job. Turns out I’m right, because you are cool with it, right?”, he ended his rambling with a nervous and expectant look at Sam.  
“Jesus, Dean, I didn’t know you were that in love with them”, Dean blushed, “Of course I’m okay with it. Will it be awkward? Probably. But I know they are a great person and they will be good for you and I haven’t heard you talk about anyone like this since Benny. I was afraid you lost the last little bit of hopeless romantic in you but here you are talking like a teenage girl about her crush.”  
And it was true, Sam had assumed that it was all about sex since Dean didn’t commit to any relationship in years, but Sam would never deny his brother the chance of an actual relationship. And he could imagine the two made a good pair, a bit unexpected, yes but maybe Dean needed someone different to himself to settle down.  
“If you think it’s too weird or awkward or gross or whatever you don’t have to see them outside of school. I can just go to their place or invite them over when you’re with Jess. It’s no problem, really. We talked about it and they’re fine with not getting to know you as more than a student. No need for awkward family dinner.”, Sam could tell that he just offered an easy solution for him, but he also knew that Dean always wanted anyone close to him to get along with Sam as well and that he loved having his family close together.  
“Don’t be ridiculous. They can always hang out here just keep it in the bedroom and keep it quiet.”  
“Don’t worry we don’t plan on emotionally scarring you again, Sammy. But if you ever need to improve your grade, just tell me and I dig out that miniskirt and beg them on my knees.”, Dean smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. Sam laughed. He didn’t need that mental image.  
“I hate you”  
“C’mon it’s a win-win situation. You get an A and I get the D.”, he kept joking.  
“Won’t work, believe me people tried.”, Sam specifically remembered Meg’s complaints about her attempts to offer them a blow job to pass the class.  
“Huh? That little bastard always leaves out the interesting parts. All I hear is ‘I can’t go out I need to grade papers; I have a headache because my students are douchebags’”, his terrible impersonation made Sam laugh even harder.  
“We both know they didn’t say that”  
Dean nodded. “Of course not Cas is a fucking saint.”  
They spent the rest of the afternoon, cleaning and talking about Cas and college and the crazy costumers at the garage Dean worked at. Sam could feel the happiness radiating from his brother and it was infectious. He suspected it was the relief of finally telling Sam about his new love- even though that’s not how Dean called it- that made the older Winchester grin and laugh at Sam’s jokes.  
+++  
The next day Sam was very surprised to see his brother leaning relaxed against the wall when he stepped out of his Latin class. He quickly walked over to him.  
“What are you doing here? Did something happen? Who’s dying?”, he asked concerned. But Dean just grinned and handed him one of the coffee cups he balanced alongside with a paper bag in his hands.  
“I’m on lunch break and bought you one of these soy milk lattes you like so much.”  
“Thank you?”, he eyed him skeptically. But that’s when he noticed that Dean wasn’t looking at him, he made heart-eyes at the professor who was still talking to some female students. One of them was Meg and she was yet again flirting with them.  
Sam often wondered if Dr Novak was completely oblivious to it or just ignored her with great finesse.  
“I guess you didn’t come to see me?”  
“Can’t a man bring his brother coffee without being questioned?”  
“It’s okay. Just admit you are stalking your crush” Dean snorted. “I’m not stalking I’m getting ready to attack.”  
Dean’s face turned serious again when he looked in Cas’ direction. “What’s her deal?”, he pointed at Meg who was winking at his partner. Sam shrugged.  
“Don’t worry about it. Dr Novak knows how to handle her.”  
Dean waved it off, but had that grin on his face that indicated that something Sam said sparked some idea in his mind.  
“See ya later, Sammy.”, he said and entered the room as soon as the girls started leaving.  
“Hey, Dr Novak, I could need some help to understand homoerotism in ancient Rome maybe we could go through some practical examples. I prefer to study with all my senses, you know?”, they pretended to be annoyed at his words, but at the same time all the tension from the stressful morning lifts off their face as soon as they saw Dean and they couldn’t help but smile right back at him.  
“Is that a flirtation?”, they asked in their best innocent tone before pecking a kiss on their boyfriend’s lips.  
“It’s an invitation. Do you want to come over tonight? I’m making burgers for dinner.”  
“Of course, but you could’ve just texted me. Why did you come all the way here?”  
“I brought you lunch”, he said with a shy smile and placed the coffee and bag on the desk.  
“Thank you”, Cas said pleasantly surprised and stepped closer to pull Dean in for a short kiss.  
A few minutes later the couple sat in Cas’ tiny office place and ate their lunch together.  
“So Sam told me there are students who are willing to- let’s say- do a lot for a few extra credits.”, Cas squinted at him in confusion but ultimately nodded thoughtfully.  
“There have been some inappropriate offerings in the past if that’s what you are referring to. However, I would never take advantage of my position like that, it’s morally wrong and as I see it these students are just lost. They probably go through hard times, some struggle to fulfill their own academic expectations so they get desperate, many are separated from their parents for the first time and naturally feel drawn to authority. Being with a teacher or professor is not an unusual sexual fantasy, because they barely get to see our flaws and certain people like to be told what to do.”, Cas explained.  
“Ever crossed your mind that it’s because you’re smoking hot? I watched you today and the way you talk about- what was it again? Latin poetry? I dunno because you are so passionate all I could think about is how I want to rip your clothes off. Your brain is so damn sexy. And don’t get me started on your ass in these slacks.”, Cas blushed a little, obviously flustered by Dean’s words. They weren’t used to that amount of worded out affection by their partner.  
“I think you’re biased.”, their voice was even deeper than usual as they leaned more into Dean’s space. “You smell very nice.”  
“Motor oil, sweat and gasoline is what does it for you?”, Dean grinned.  
“No, it’s you who ‘does it for me’”, Cas made air quotes and Dean closed the distance between them.  
They never thought it could be that easy.  
+++  
Sam was surprised when Dean told him Dr Novak would come over for dinner that night. He knew it would happen eventually, but he didn’t expect to be confronted with their relationship so soon again. He was trying hard to focus on his school work, but couldn’t ignore the probably awkward situation he was getting himself into. The worst part was that he didn’t know when it was going to happen, so he just sat there, stared at the paper in front of him and let his mind come up with countless possible conversations. The ring on the door disrupted his spiraling and he nervously went to open it.  
“Um, hello Dr Novak. Come in.”, the professor had changed from his formal clothes into a simple blue shirt and dark jeans, just the beige trenchcoat remained the same as always. It was hard to define it but their presence was very different in Sam’s living room compared to how he knew them from college.  
“Hello, Sam.”, they looked at each other awkwardly for a few moments before Cas added: “You don’t have to call me ‘Dr Novak’ when I’m not at work. Castiel or just Cas works fine.”  
“Okay, yea, alright. Dean is still in the shower and should be out any minute, just lemme know if you need anything. And sorry again about the other night.”, the insecurity in his voice made him feel even more embarrassed.  
“You don’t need to apologize. I get it, honestly, I was freaking out, too. I mean when I found out that you are Dean’s brother. I always wanted to keep an appropriate distance to my students and I was considering keeping it that way and ending things with Dean. We discussed it and now I truly believe that we can make this work. Just know that my relationship will never affect your grades or how I treat you as a professor.”  
Sam felt a twist of guilt in his stomach. He never wanted to stand between his brother and a possibly healthy relationship, he never wanted to cause them any trouble. He forced himself to smile.  
“If you are happy together, I’m happy. Might need some time to get used to it, but you are right. We can make this work.”, he said and he truly meant it. Dean deserved this.  
Cas smiled wide and happily. “I’m glad to hear that. And I know Dean is very happy about it, too. He might not say it a lot, but I know that your opinion means a lot to him.”  
“Yea, dude had the sun shine out of his ass all day.” Castiel huffed out a small laugh but his eyes were fixated on something behind Sam. He turned around to see his brother standing in the doorway of the small steamy bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.  
“Not for nothing, Cas, but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid”, Dean smiled and shot Cas a wink.  
“First I want that dinner you promised me.”, Cas responded with a fond smile. Sam gave Dean his best bitch-face that told him to put some fucking clothes on.  
“Alright, gimme a minute.”, he said with a chuckle and went to his bedroom.  
A couple of minutes later Dean came out wearing dark sweatpants and his worn out and soft batman shirt. Sam watched him sit down on the couch right next to Cas and give them a soft kiss. This was his signal to leave to his own room and give the couple some privacy. Unfortunately, he didn’t consider his brother’s inability to focus on anything in Castiel’s presence. So when he came back 20 minutes later to check how dinner was going, he found Dean sitting on his partner’s lap, kissing them intensely with his hands under the professor’s shirt. Sam tried to look away and cleared his throat audibly. Both looked at Sam like deers in the headlight and let go from each other.  
“Dean could you please, for once, think with your upstairs brain. I’m starving.”, Sam might be a bit dramatic, but it was impossible for him to hide his annoyance. His brother was acting like a horny teenager. Dean got up, mumbled something that sounded like “cockblock” with a frown on his face and walked towards the kitchen.  
“I wasn’t the downstairs-brain-thinker who started this.”, he said, now smiling, still a bit breathless and put on some Led Zeppelin like he always did when he was cooking. Cas avoided eye contact with Sam, their cheeks flushed, and grabbed a book from his bag that they had placed on the floor next to the couch. They than quickly joined Dean in the kitchen to keep him quiet company and started reading. Dean was peacefully preparing the burgers, humming to the music and every now and then they were both looking at the other at the same time exchanging small happy smiles.  
Dinner went over surprisingly well, Sam and Cas started passionately talking about Law in the Roman Empire and about halfway through Sam thought he could maybe get used to this. Dean had no clue what the two were talking about but he was just content to see two of his favorite people getting along and he was also well occupied with his delicious burger.  
“Thank you, Dean. These make me very happy.”, Cas said pointing at their second burger with a smile that Dean could only describe as adorable.  
“Don’t mention it. I’ve seen your fridge, someone has to take care of you.”, he teased.  
“I guess that’s fair.”, they responded and took another bite from their burger.  
“I already feed Sasquatch over here full time, so you can come over for dinner whenever you want, right Sam?”, he looked at his younger brother waiting for his approval.  
“Yes, anytime.”  
+++  
Later that night Sam left his room to grab some coffee and snacks from the kitchen and found his brother cuddled against Castiel on the couch. Their legs were tangled together, Dean’s head rested on Cas’ chest. Cas was lazily drawing small shapes with their finger onto the soft skin right underneath the hem of Dean’s shirt, eyes focused on the TV. Sam had expected them watching action movies together, but it what was on was very far away from that.  
“What are you watching, little spoon?”, he couldn’t help but tease. Dean looked at him, clearly irritated and maybe a bit embarrassed. He tried to sit up at the sight of his brother, but Cas pulled him back into their arms.  
“It’s that show Cas likes. It’s like a drag queen competition.”, he tried to explain.  
“Don’t pretend you didn’t start to enjoy it. I’m trying to show him some popular queer media, this one is fun and requires minimal thinking which I enjoy after long work days. It’s also quite addicting after some time.”, Cas smiled at Sam, who smiled right back.  
“I don’t enjoy it.”, Dean protested, “I said some of them are hot and the fights are funny, that’s it.”  
Sam raised an eyebrow at him, not buying it at all and Cas just shook their head slightly irritated.  
“Hot as men or hot as women?”, Sam asked curiously.  
“Both. I mean in drag some look insane, but if I saw, for example, Katya in a bar I would be down for everything.”  
Cas snorted. “Oh really?”  
“Babe, you know how I mean it. I bet you would do it, too. If we were both single of course.”  
“No, Dean. I wouldn’t.”, they said in a serious voice and Sam watched the conversation unfold.  
“Why not? She’s hot and the experience would be exiting, I bet. And don’t give me any committed relationship crap. I don’t exist in that scenario.”, Dean now sat up and turned around to look at them.  
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m gay. As in not attracted to women? I know they are technically men, but I just don’t find them sexually appealing. The aesthetic is nice but I would never engage sexually with someone who’s female presenting. Also I don’t have any desire to be with anyone but you at the moment I think I made that clear.”, they explained frustrated with their boyfriend.  
“I understand. Sorry.”, Dean mumbled and kissed Cas on the tip of their nose, which made them smile again. “Now stop being a sap”, he added and got back into their spooning position much to Castiel’s contentment who pressed a kiss into Dean’s hair.  
Sam still followed their conversation, wondering if the question that popped up in his mind was appropriate to ask but in the end his curiosity won.  
“I hope it’s not stupid to ask, but how can you be gay if you don’t identify as a man?”  
Cas sighed at the question.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“  
“Sam it’s fine. It’s not a stupid question I’m just tired of answering it.”, they said honestly, “When I first came out as gay right after Highschool I didn’t even know what being non-binary was. The label helped me to come to terms with my attraction to men and find strength during that time. I still feel attached to it and identify with it even though I now know that I’m much more comfortable with gender-neutral terms and pronouns.”  
Sam thought about it for a second and nodded thoughtfully.  
“I think I get it, thanks. I think I should leave you two to it. Are you going to stay the night?”, Sam asked casually, trying to not make it awkward now.  
Cas looked at Dean for a second and smiled that smitten smile again. Dean nodded.  
“I think so, yes. Have a good evening, Sam”  
“You, too”, he answered warmly. Again, he thought that maybe this situation wasn’t too bad.  
+++  
“Cas?”, Dean whispered into the darkness of his bedroom. He felt Cas moving next to him and heard a rough humming from his partner.  
“Are you awake?”, he whispered again. Both should sleep, it’s been a long day. Cas turned around to face Dean, brushing a finger over the man’s biceps.  
“What’s wrong, honey?”, they asked quietly. Dean smiled at the pet name and put his palm on the other’s chest. He swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words. The darkness, the complete silence and his partner’s warm body next to him made it a bit easier.  
“Nothing. Just thank you for staying here.”  
“You know I like to spend the night here with you. Your mattress is amazing.”, he could hear them smiling.  
“It’s memory foam, but that’s now what I meant. You are here with me and our thing is a real thing now, you know? And it’s more than I’ve ever hoped for.”, Cas looked at his silhouette in the darkness and put their hand on top of Dean’s.  
“You’ve been spoiling me all day. I should be the one thanking you.”  
“I don’t want to fuck this up.”, he admitted, “I want to be good enough for you.”  
“You are more than good enough. You are perfect for me right now.”, their voice was soft yet worried. Dean laughs bitterly.  
“I’m a total fuck up, Cas. I suck at relationships, got a long history of completely destroying everything I touch. I never wanted to do this again but when I met you, I got sucked in so fast, it’s scary, because it’s been only a few weeks and I don’t want to loose you again. And everyday I’m even more fucked because I look at you and I get sucked in more and I want this so bad.”, his heart aches.  
“I want this, too. I haven’t had faith in a long time but I believe we are going to make this work.”  
“You deserve so much more than that. And I try, I really do. I’m just so scared I can’t make you happy in the long run. You are so smart and gorgeous and all the good things and I’m just dumb old me, not even graduated Highschool. I have nothing to offer you.”, Cas pulled him into a one-armed embrace and pressed a kiss on his stubbled cheek. They kept him close as they quietly spoke:  
“Please don’t ever talk yourself down like this. I’m not going anywhere. You are so kind and caring and strong and your flirtations and humor make me feel so warm and happy. You are not at all stupid. You are so beautiful- inside and out. We might both be ‘fuck ups’, life had been hard on us, but every time I get to see a new part of you, I fall in love with it as well.”, they stayed silent for a few moments, neither of them had said the L-word before and the significance of the moment hit Dean. They never discussed the rough parts of their childhoods with each other, but suddenly Dean feels like he could. Not tonight, but Cas will understand, even the ugly parts.  
He couldn’t bring himself to say it back, he tried to swallow down his fear, but it wouldn’t go away. It felt like he was physically restrained from saying the word. Panic rose in him, he didn’t want to be an asshole and not say anything.  
“You mean so much to me, Cas.”, he whispered into their ear and pressed a kiss on the skin right underneath. Cas held him close like that for a long time, whispered small praises, lips brushing skin until they both fell asleep. The last thought that crossed Dean’s mind before he drifted of was how goddamn lucky he was.

**Author's Note:**

> I read so much fanfiction that my mind started to come up with own scenerios and I kinda needed to get them out of there so I wrote this. Not saying it's any good but I figured why not post it.


End file.
